A Valentine for ALL AGES

I dedicate today's post to MY HUSBAND. How good it feels to write that (every time!).

I ran into a coworker in the hall and we talked a bit about the origin of Valentines Day which remains shrouded in some degree of conjecture throughout history. I am partial to this legend:

• The Legenda Aurea of Jacobus de Voragine, compiled about 1260 and one of the most-read books of the High Middle Ages, gives sufficient details of the saints and for each day of the liturgical year to inspire a homily on each occasion. The very brief vita of St Valentine has him refusing to deny Christ before the "Emperor Claudius"in the year 280. Before his head was cut off, this Valentine restored sight and hearing to the daughter of his jailer. Jacobus makes a play with the etymology of "Valentine", "as containing valour". It is probable that the various legends about St. Valentine were invented during the middle ages. Another account states: On the evening before Valentine was to be martyred for being a Christian, he passed a love note to his jailer's daughter that read, "From your Valentine." (extracted from Wikipedia)

This particular story really sparked something in me to consider Valentines' Day from a completely different point of view. When you consider one origin of the day to be a martyred saint, then "LOVE" has a whole different meaning. It is, of course, a wonderfully romantic thought that a saint's last words were a love note to a woman. But the GREAT LOVE has nothing to do with last words or a last note but his last act, which should not be overlooked. Step back and take a look at the entire picture: a man was martyred for his belief. His GREAT LOVE was His Savior. He died refusing to denounce the Greatest Love of all time - the love of a Lord whose sacrifice echoes throughout eternity and whose victory would bring him home. Humbled am I.

How great My Lord is that He died for me. That alone should overwhelm us to our knees. And yet, in my life, just to make sure I am listening, He gives me a wonderful man to share this life with and whose presence in my life not only reminds me of my Lord but draws me nearer to Him every day.

Making Love to Music

In January, I took MY HUSBAND to the symphony as his Christmas present. We had the great pleasure to see Yo-Yo Ma in concert. For those of you not into the classical scene. He is a world famous cellist. However, those words are such a paltry description of what we saw. We saw so much more than a performance, we saw a man deep in love with the music. His hands stroked life into notes written by composers long since passed. Men we read about in history books whose names we cannot even pronounce. In his hands, these aged compositions felt like breathable air, if you can breathe at all in their presence. MY HUSBAND commented when we left the concert hall, "Now I know what a virtuoso is." So true. He played from his heart, eyes closed the whole time, not so much as single page of music before him. He graced us with one encore, a crowd of thousands fell silent in one exhale as he raised his hand to the bow once more.

Few expriences in life engage every one of your senses. For the first time I can recall, I not only heard the music, I felt it, tasted it, smelled it. But that we could experience such a heightened sense of appreciation in the everyday, we might be that much closer to Heaven.

Losing Track of Time

MY HUSBAND and I didn't get a long honeymoon. He had started a new job just a month before the wedding and was not able to take too much time off. So we visited a lovely bed and breakfast (B&B) called the Coppersmith Inn in Galveston, Texas. I highly recommend it should you ever be in Galveston. We stayed in the country cottage and our hosts Karen and Pat had many stories to go along with their hospitality with a DELICIOUS breakfast every morning. Being our first B&B experience, we were instant converts.

Now it is the new year and MY HUSBAND tells me I need a break and he is right. This man is SO SMART! We have not had the opportunity to really take any time at all TO BE for an extended period of time. Weekends are nice and long weekends are nicer but to really relax, one needs enough time to lose track of time. That is when I KNOW I am relaxed. Twice in my life I have freed from the shackles of tracking time:

- Poolside at the Fiesta Americana hotel in Cozumel in 1997 with one of my closest friends, she and I were drinking pina coladas and listening to the roll of the waves just across the footbridge and time was a distant memory.

- On the beach in Marseilles in the summer of 1998 on a vacation with my best friend and her brother. I was sunning myself and decided to journal while we lay there basking in youthful immortality and I started to write down the date and realized that I had no idea what day or date it was.

I would say that it's about time I lose track of it again. So we are heading out in a couple of weeks for a few days to hit another B&B in driving distance. And I plan to take my watch off the minute we leave and not even put it on until we return home. Time spent without a watch is priceless; time spent living by a watch isn't really LIVING and often you lose more time than you gain.

~Santé

Good Bedside Manner

3:30 a.m.

Me: Honey, I think I might have the flu. The inside of my throat is really swollen.

MY HUSBAND: Do you want to take some ibuprofen?

Me: Yes, I'll go downstairs and get it.

MY HUSBAND: I'll get it, you might bump your throat on something.

For What He Didn't Do

For the first time in awhile, I decided to "veg" in front of the TV tonight. We don't have cable so the choices pretty much hinge on what I can get the rabbit ears to bring in. Tonight it was ABC. I grew up with TV, lots of it. So I know how all-consuming it can become. I have elected not to have cable and MY HUSBAND agrees with that. He didn't have cable before we married. Both us figure we should be able to amuse ourselves with the 5-8 channels that come in or find something else to do. Suffice to say, we have a HUGE movie collection.

Tonight though, I was in the mood to watch TV. And I stumbled across a show I had not seen before: "Men in Trees." It reminded me of "Northern Exposure" but instead of a male doctor, it revolves around a female author. It was interesting enough, the best lines were, as usual, recited at the end (reminescient of "Sex in the City" and no wonder because it has the same writers).

What struck me tonight though was a particular scene involving the main character (Marin) and the disappointment and heartbreak she experienced because her love interest (Jack) was torn between her and his former girlfriend (Lynn) who reappeared after leaving him months or years before. As I watched this, I could not help but reflect on how thankful I was that I never had to go through any of that with MY HUSBAND. Before we married and throughout our courtship not once did I wonder how he felt. I never had to worry about his confusion about us or other women or old flames. Yet one more thing that made me so sure I was going to marry this man.

When I met MY HUSBAND, I had gone through my fair share of riding my emotions, scrutinizing every word, trying to interpret a glance or a hug, wondering where I stood or if I was in standing at all. But with MY HUSBAND, none of that happened. As soon as the show ended, I got up and walked into our office where he was busily typing away on a journal and hugged him and kissed him and thanked him. I thank him everyday for a hundred little things that he does for me. Tonight I thanked him for what he didn't do:

• He didn't pursue me until he was sure of how he felt.
• He didn't speak in noncommittal words.
• He didn't run when I let my guard down.
• He didn't make promises he couldn't keep or excuses.
• He didn't bring unfinished emotions into our relationship.

And most of all, he didn't say "I love you" until he was sure that he could follow it up with "Will You Marry Me?"

~Santé

Ripe with Potential

I find it interesting how things seem to drop into our lives for no apparent reason. And if we are not very careful, we can often miss an opportunity because we assume we already know where it will lead.

I meet MY HUSBAND for lunch almost daily and he always walks me back to my car. This past Tuesday after he walked me back to my car and we kissed goodbye, I turned to open the door and on the ground was this lemon. At first glance it looked fake, so perfectly yellow and rounded. I almost got in my car without giving it a second thought. Almost.

Thankfully my curiosity got the better of me and I knelt down and picked it up and before I pulled it to my nose, I could already smell the sweet, fresh fragrance of potential. It was heavy in my hand, full of juicy possibilities. I called to MY HUSBAND who was walking away to show it to him. He held it and looked up into the trees, as did I. Surely this dropped from somewhere in the sky. Yet there was no lemon tree to be found.

Instead of tossing it away, I kept it. I started surfing online last night to find a good recipe that needs one lemon. I will keep you posted on what I decide to make. This lemon has become something of a symbol to me. A talisman for what may come. Sometimes, you don't have to go out on a limb to get a choice piece of fruit. Once in a while it just falls at your feet. And all you have to do is pick it up.

~Santé

Feeding Frenzy

A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles
in this manner:
Inside of me there are two dogs.
One of the dogs is mean and evil.
The other dog is good.
The mean dog fights the good dog all the time."
When asked which dog wins he reflected for a moment and replied,
"The one I feed the most." ~Unknown

This story pretty much sums up my struggle into the New Year. The problem has been that just because I turn the calendar another page, that doesn’t mean that my perspective shifts completely. I seem to be feeding the “impatient, why can’t people exercise common sense, how many times do I have to tell someone this, why are THEY in such a bad mood dog”; instead of feeding the “grateful to have a good job, wonderful HUSBAND, resources to follow my dreams, God is amazing dog”.

I realize that I have started the New Year with an emaciated spirit. I have spent so much time DOING in the last few wonderful whirlwind months of a new BLESSED marriage that somewhere along the way, I stopped feeding my soul, I stopped BEING. So instead of giving in to the world’s feeding frenzy, I resolve today not TO DO but TO BE:

• Be thankful for the life I have been given.
• Be aware of the struggles of others around me.
• Be alone with God.
• Be unafraid to be less than perfect.
• Be a boss who understands that there is more than one way to do things.
• Be more open to what others have to offer.
• Be an employee who equips my boss to succeed.
• Be less offended by the world and more compassionate toward it.
• Be a true friend who doesn’t consult her schedule in order to make time to listen.
• Be real – it’s not all about me.
• Be a grateful daughter and take time for my parents.
• Be a shelter for my husband, not a storm.
• Be all that God has given me the potential to be.

And then maybe…with a well-nourished soul, I can start to DO again.
~Santé*
*A shortened version of a French toast: A Votre Santé which translates “to your health.”

Movie Meme and Blog Accountability

Movie Meme and Blog Accountability

As I search for time and inspiration to be dedicated to this blog, I have great friends like Tracy at starshinereport to hold me accountable and tag me for a meme. Thanks Tracy!

1. Popcorn or candy? Popcorn with that terrible-for-you artificial butter that is cholesterol hardening oil (YUM!) and some sour patch kids.

2. Name a movie you’ve been meaning to see forever. Amistad – Always wanted to see this.

3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar: 71^st Annual Academy Awards – Saving Private Ryan should have won over Shakespeare in Love – as much as I LOVED Shakespeare, Saving Private Ryan was an epic.

4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. Which will it be? Costumes from Audrey Hepburn's character, Holly Golightly, in Breakfast at Tiffany's – oh so very classic!

5. Your favorite film franchise is.. Lord of the Rings. I have been Tolkien fan for years. If they franchise the Chronicles of Narnia, that will be the piece de resistance!

6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why’d you invite them? What do you feed them?
Meryl Streep, Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, Carrie Fisher, and Diane Keaton
They strike me as an accomplished, intelligent and fun group of ladies. I really want to find out about how Carrie Fisher decided to pursue writing and find out about their struggles and triumphs. I would feed them a multiple course dinner and wine paired with each course for a nice relaxed evening around a table.

7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?
Cell phones should be checked in (like checking your coat) before entering the theater.

8. Choose a female bodyguard: G-girl in My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Charly Baltimore from The Long Kiss Goodnight, Trinity from The Matrix

9. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever seen in a movie? Those suspense filled murder scenes in 80s horror flicks – I had nightmares for a week when I was 12 after seeing only one horror flick and I have never saw another one since.

10. Your favorite genre (excluding comedy and drama) is?
Period pieces – medieval stories and turn of the century films.

11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power? I would select movies that were truly good stories and exclude gratuitous violence and sex. I have seen four Jane Austen films and there was more passion in the restraint of the characters than there is in the flesh films of today. Regarding violence – I can see its role in war films and even other film attempts at realistic portrayals but too many directors use them to fill empty story space.

12. Bonnie or Clyde? Bonnie

13: Who are you tagging to answer this survey: Laura W.

A Grown-Up Thanksgiving

For the first time in 35++ years, I had a grown-up Thanksgiving. MY HUSBAND and I stayed home and had a nice, quiet holiday all to ourselves, stepping out only momentarily with friends. It is amazing how much credibility one gains after getting married. All of sudden, it's okay to skip the big family Thanksgiving because now you have your own family. However, when you are single, skipping Thanksgiving with your family is akin to disowning your family. Strangely, it is the single people who are expected to be the most bending, most flexible, most sensitive to everyone's feelings. Single men are asked to drive the car, single women are asked to ride in the back so we have more room for everyone who needs to fit. We are asked to sleep on the couch, on the floor, or share a bed with our grandmother, aunt, cousin, or niece.

Please realize, I have absolutely NOTHING against my family. They are wonderful and supportive and amazing! However, after 35++ years of traveling to grandmother's house and sitting in the backseat all the way there (4+ hours) and then sleeping on the couch for 3 days, I finally had a grown-up Thanksgiving. I stayed home guiltless and peaceful without having to make any excuses save "We are staying home this year."

For whatever reason, as a single female, when it comes to holidays, family or the combination of the two, no one cares that you are a doctor, lawyer, teacher, published author, or cosmetologist. No one cares that you have done missionary work in the barrios of Central American countries or that you make decisions that move hundreds of thousands of dollars each day. Or that you can change a sparkplug, unclog a toilet, scuba-dive or fly a plane. All that is very nice and good and maybe perhaps even a little crazy. What they care about is this: "Have you met any nice boys lately, honey?", "Aren't there some nice boys in your church you could date?", or the all time doozie - "Why aren't you married yet?" (flashback to couples' dinner in Bridget Jones Diary). I know some singles who skip the holiday stuff all together because after a while it just gets old being the family bachelor or single female.

Have you ever considered why this is? Have you ever been as frustrated as I have been by it? I think now that I am married, I finally understand it. My grandmother cannot wrap her mind around the fact that I am an accomplished professional who has been self-sufficient for 35++ years. What she can wrap her mind around is the fact that I have found a loving, intelligent, compassionate, godly, funny, supportive man who accepts me just the way I am. Now she can be completely happy for me. Now she can relax. Now that she perceives me as a grown-up. Now I can see me as a grown-up. Funny thing about all that is that MY HUSBAND knew I was a grown-up the moment I met him. He didn't ask me why I wasn't married. He was just grateful that I was single and everything I had accomplished and what I had become only became more in his eyes. What I realized this Thanksgiving was that I had been a grown-up all along. It just took the right person to help me see that. MY HUSBAND couldn't give me credibility that I didn't already have. Instead, he recognized me for who I am and THAT was worth waiting for - even if it took 35++ years for me to realize my first Grown-Up Thanksgiving.

Literati Challenge

Star shine's Nov 16th post about the reading challenge which can be tracked back to this blog has appealed to both the bibliophile/avid reader and competitor in me. My nightstand currently is home to the following books (still unread in their entirety):


Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

This book was given to me as wedding present. It looks quite similar to For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. I haven't even cracked it open yet but it's on the nightstand so it's on the list. It focuses on the differences between how men and women interpret the language of love and affirmation. Based on the reviews of friends, I think it's pretty on point but I will let you know after I finish it.

Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl

One of my best friends/matrons of honor sent me this right after I got engaged (2 months before the wedding). I have found it to be the most helpful book on being married so far. I read four chapters before the wedding but then I was sidetracked by life stuff. After a perusal of the book, MY HUSBAND actually liked what it had to say. The writer has a very positive style of writing and presentation.

30 Days to a Simpler Life by Chris Evatt and Connie Cox

I started reading this years ago and didn't finish. Being newly married to a collector of stuff like myself, I thought it prudent to get some coaching on clearing out some of the stuff. Life just seems a bit too busy with busy-ness and not enough enjoyment. I read the first chapter again a few nights ago and it starts out with very helpful ideas. Sometimes it helps to think of items as simply passing through your life instead of residing there. Unless you empty your hands once in a while, you have no room to receive the new.

Faith of a Writer: Life, Craft, Art by Joyce Carol Oates

MY HUSBAND sent this to me in a care package a month after we starting dating along with a very nice fountain pen and various other gifts that only affirmed what a miracle finding this man has been for me. (oops, I'm waxing newlywed goo all over this blog.) Anyway, I started it on a plane but still need to finish it. Good writers are always good to read.

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

I almost hesitate to add this book because it is Book 1 of a series of six to date. Once you start, you know you have to keep going. She's been around a bit but I discovered her browsing at a used bookstore and couldn't resist. It's a time travel story/split world story - can't resist those either (see Ted Dekker's Black, Red, and White trilogy). Once I read this, I know it's going to be a long-term commitment. But hey, I just got married, a series of six books is a cake walk commitment-wise. *grin*

I challenge you readers to join in and tell me what you are willing to move from the "want to read" to "already read" stacks of your nightstands. Well read is well said - go ahead turn the page!

Momspeak

As my friends have entered the state of motherhood, I notice that they speak a different language than they did when they lived in the state of coupledom.

Coupledom includes phrases like:

"WE have plans that weekend but thanks for asking."
"I don't know what WE are going to do for Thanksgiving."
or
"MY HUSBAND is going to build me bookshelf."
"Oh, MY HUSBAND works in the area."

And I have to say, having recently entered the land of coupledom, I am really enjoying the new language I have learned. However, I do find the mother tongue of motherhood, known as "momspeak" to be quite amusing.

Here are some interesting aspects to it:
1. She speaks it only to her children but can do so while she is on the phone with you.
2. It is communicated at higher volumes so be prepared to pull the phone away from your ear at a moments notice.
3. Women who speak this language can do so without breaking their train of thought with you.
4. At some point, in a conversation with a momspeaker, you will hear her exclaim "NOOOOOOO!" and then she will turn her attention back to you or the "NOOOOOOO!" will be abruptly followed by a "I gotta go, I'll call you back!" and then she will hang up.

Let me give you some examples from my momspeak friends:

Friend No 1 - KJ

KJ and her daughter MS. MS (4 yrs old) is standing next to her mother chewing on a toy KJ while KJ is talking to me on the phone and this is what I hear:

KJ: MS, What is in your mouth?
MS: Nothing.
KJ: Is that food?
MS: No Mom.
KJ: Then take it out of your mouth.
MS: Yes Mom.

KJ talking to her 3-year old son, JC, who is chewing on the mouse-cord connected to the computer: "JC! Quit chewing on that, you are going to break it and you will never have a computer again for the rest of your life! "

Friend No 2 - KV talking to me last night on the phone while her 2 year old daughter M hovered near her plate, parentheses denote momspeak:

KV: So how are you and YOUR HUSBAND doing? (Hey get lost - that's my food)
Me: WE are fine, just getting adjusted to married life and looking forward to a mini-vacation this weekend with friends. Are you having a calmer week?
KV: Yes, much calmer than last week (no you cannot have dessert until you eat your meat and rice). I'm not as tired this week.

Somehow these conversations don't seem as foreign to me as they might seem. Back in the recesses of my memory, I recall hearing momspeak many moons ago. I used to think only my mom knew the language but it appears eventually, many of us learn to speak it well and with no training at all. Amazing, isn't it?

Meme-spiration

I am officially married, honeymooned, back from traveling from work and ready to start this blog in earnest. Today I am jump-starting by bouncing off of my friend Tracy's blog: http://starshinereport.blogspot.com and although she didn't tag me I'm answering anyway. I'm sure she won't mind, will you Tracy?

Her meme is my inspiration today: Know Thyself Meme

What is/are YOUR:

Easy how-to ways to beat a bad mood?
* Snuggling with my husband - speaking as a newlywed!
* Call one of my best friends and talk it out for commiseration and reality checks.
* Pray - should be number one shouldn't it? *sigh* one day....
* Go out for a good meal.
* Spend some downtown at Barnes & Noble book browsing

Never-fail lip color?
None, I go natural even though I carry about 3 lipsticks/glosses in my purse. I never manage to put them on. I am so NOT makeup conscious. My husband doesn't care if I wear it or not - Dear Heaven, I love this man!

Personality type (via myersbriggs)?
ESFJ - Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging (http://keirsey.com/personality/sjef.html)

Greatest strengths and weaknesses (like in a job interview)?
Strength and Weakness - Perfectionist - I thrive in the details of everything. I think coffee should be hot for guests and one should always strive to serve others. The details show you care. My focus on attention to detail makes me very impatient with others who do not observe details. I perceive this as laziness or lack of intelligence - which is not good. As with most strengths, that is the flipside weakness.
Other strengths: good listener, organized, good at research, thorough and persistent
Other weaknesses: tendency toward procrastination (getting better at not procrastinating), tends to focus on facts more than feelings sometimes, too high expectations of others.

Names of the trees in your yard?
Magnolia - beautiful leaves and smells so good! And other trees that look pretty but I don't have a clue what they are.

Mother-in-law'’s favorite flower?
Hmmm....I don't know -- guess I better put that on my list of things to know for future reference. Being a less than 2 months married newlywed, I think I still have time to find that out.

Thanks for the meme-spiration Tracy! I am tagging my friend Manda with this meme.

What's in a name?

I have been putting off my first post because I wanted to write something amazing but that’s the same reason I haven’t written a book or started a company. Being a perfectionist is just an excuse to procrastinate. In an effort to change old habits and begin anew, I have finally decided to post something – today, whether it’s amazing or not.

I will be getting married this Saturday for the first and only time. And I say that with confidence since I have waited until almost the age of 40. Really it’s not that I have waited but rather that I haven’t settled – settled for less of a man than God wants for me or settled for being less of a woman than some man needs.

Honestly, I didn’t think I would be getting married so soon. Once I passed year 35, I kind of figured God was waiting to introduce me to Mr. Right in my 40s. Quite frankly, I was finally at peace with the wait. And isn’t that always when Heaven intervenes, when you have quit trying to arrange your own life?

I had a lot of interesting things occur in leading up to this wedding: asking different people to officiate (getting turned down twice and then finally having someone say yes); shower (yes I want one, no I don’t, yes I do); flower girls with brothers who want to be flower boys (maybe we should re-think the flower gender thing); rehearsal (do we need one?); vows (oh yeah, we have to say vows) yeesh! No wonder people elope! And I’ve only had two months to worry about all this. I don’t know HOW anyone takes a year to do this. I think I would be certifiable by then.

However, my intent in posting today was not to discuss pre-wedding trauma. I want to ponder one question I find very interesting that I have been asked again and again, even by my handsome prince: “Are you keeping your name?”

I admit I understand this question given our modern society and I suppose that having been in my career for 15 years with my current M-i-s-s name, people would expect me to hold on to it. However, at the same time the question does puzzle me. In writing this, I mean no disrespect to any woman who has kept or taken back her maiden name. I merely want to give my perspective about the whole NAME thing

In marrying my husband-to-be, it was never a question for me as to whether or not I was going to keep my name, but rather I look at marriage as receiving a name. Some women keep their maiden name to express independence. What could be more independent than a woman who chooses to accept something so valuable, so intrinsically related to a man than his name? It carries with it the reputation and legacy of decades perhaps even centuries of history. In giving me his name, this man is saying I trust you, I love you, I want everyone to know that WE are a family. To entrust me with his name, and all the nobility, wisdom, integrity, history (good and bad), and compassion that it symbolizes, is an expression of ultimate love. What greater honor could there be? In taking this name, I am saying more than “I do.” I am saying, “I commit to you and to the creation of a new family on this day in front of God and the world. Even more, I understand what it means for him to offer it to me.

So when people ask me “Are you keeping your name?” I am inclined to answer, “No, I am receiving my name, the name that God intended for me and that He has held in safe keeping for me until I became the woman that this man deserves.”