I have been putting off my first post because I wanted to write something amazing but that’s the same reason I haven’t written a book or started a company. Being a perfectionist is just an excuse to procrastinate. In an effort to change old habits and begin anew, I have finally decided to post something – today, whether it’s amazing or not.I will be getting married this Saturday for the first and only time. And I say that with confidence since I have waited until almost the age of 40. Really it’s not that I have waited but rather that I haven’t settled – settled for less of a man than God wants for me or settled for being less of a woman than some man needs.
Honestly, I didn’t think I would be getting married so soon. Once I passed year 35, I kind of figured God was waiting to introduce me to Mr. Right in my 40s. Quite frankly, I was finally at peace with the wait. And isn’t that always when Heaven intervenes, when you have quit trying to arrange your own life?
I had a lot of interesting things occur in leading up to this wedding: asking different people to officiate (getting turned down twice and then finally having someone say yes); shower (yes I want one, no I don’t, yes I do); flower girls with brothers who want to be flower boys (maybe we should re-think the flower gender thing); rehearsal (do we need one?); vows (oh yeah, we have to say vows) yeesh! No wonder people elope! And I’ve only had two months to worry about all this. I don’t know HOW anyone takes a year to do this. I think I would be certifiable by then.
However, my intent in posting today was not to discuss pre-wedding trauma. I want to ponder one question I find very interesting that I have been asked again and again, even by my handsome prince: “Are you keeping your name?”
I admit I understand this question given our modern society and I suppose that having been in my career for 15 years with my current M-i-s-s name, people would expect me to hold on to it. However, at the same time the question does puzzle me. In writing this, I mean no disrespect to any woman who has kept or taken back her maiden name. I merely want to give my perspective about the whole NAME thing
In marrying my husband-to-be, it was never a question for me as to whether or not I was going to keep my name, but rather I look at marriage as receiving a name. Some women keep their maiden name to express independence. What could be more independent than a woman who chooses to accept something so valuable, so intrinsically related to a man than his name? It carries with it the reputation and legacy of decades perhaps even centuries of history. In giving me his name, this man is saying I trust you, I love you, I want everyone to know that WE are a family. To entrust me with his name, and all the nobility, wisdom, integrity, history (good and bad), and compassion that it symbolizes, is an expression of ultimate love. What greater honor could there be? In taking this name, I am saying more than “I do.” I am saying, “I commit to you and to the creation of a new family on this day in front of God and the world. Even more, I understand what it means for him to offer it to me.
So when people ask me “Are you keeping your name?” I am inclined to answer, “No, I am receiving my name, the name that God intended for me and that He has held in safe keeping for me until I became the woman that this man deserves.”
