One night this past summer, MY HUSBAND and I met my parents for dinner at a local restaurant. Afterwards, MY HUSBAND and I decided to walk over to the local B&N bookstore to do a little browsing. I was recovering from having a small bout of bronchitis and I had a recurring cough. MY HUSBAND was in the mood for some coffee so we wandered over to the Cafe section. Still feeling a little under the weather, I decided to sit in one of the comfy wingback chairs while he stood in line. I watched the people file in and out of the Cafe and when the crowd cleared, I had a clear view of MY HUSBAND standing in line. And MY HUSBAND is always a GREAT view from any angle (if I do say so myself).As he stood there, I noticed the woman behind him (all capri-panted, high heeled, size C cup, long hair, mid-20 or 30 looks of her). I noticed her reaching for something in the beverage case directly to the right front of her which caused her to visibly bump into him with both of those C-cups and I saw him react slightly annoyed. (Yes, ANNOYED). I know that it is probably the common view that any man (married or otherwise) would not mind the brush of any size of female protrusions but my husband happens to mind. Being generous and apparently somewhat naive, I assumed this game of bumper cups to be an accident. So I gave her that freebie but not without a little bit of bronchial cough interruption which startled the whole line - just so they knew I was there.
And then, SHE DID IT AGAIN. But this time promptly placed both of her snackpacks directly on him - clearly not an accident. All I could think to myself was "HELLO! HOOCHIE MAMA ALERT!" I crossed that Cafe in one leap and was in line, purse-swinging, profusely coughing and all before you could say "snow capped mountains." I "accidently" grazed her with my Marshalls bag. MY HUSBAND and I decided to leave since neither of us was in the mood for bumper cups - as a participant or a spectator.You might think I over-reacted but seriously, even knee-deep in single gal land on nights when I was prettied up, heels, dress, NOT ONCE did I consider it necessary to attract "udder" attention. NOT ONCE. Hummph!
3 comments:
haha. thanks for making me laugh mary! the photo is great too...and i don't think you were out of line at all - better claim what's yours :) love.
p.s. glad you're writing again.
I can soooo see this in full action! Not to mention..."the look" you gave the "Boobie-Barbie"!Awesome Mary! Way to "Stand By Your Man!"
~H :)
Oh my goodness...I can't believe that girl was just putting her ta-tas out there...on his back!
Let this be a lesson to all hoochie-mamas that they are no match for Sister Sharon and her Sassy Swingin' Handbag! I love it! It's like you're a superhero fending off the inappropriate advances of hoochies, and your weapon is your Handbag!!!
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