A Grown-Up Thanksgiving

For the first time in 35++ years, I had a grown-up Thanksgiving. MY HUSBAND and I stayed home and had a nice, quiet holiday all to ourselves, stepping out only momentarily with friends. It is amazing how much credibility one gains after getting married. All of sudden, it's okay to skip the big family Thanksgiving because now you have your own family. However, when you are single, skipping Thanksgiving with your family is akin to disowning your family. Strangely, it is the single people who are expected to be the most bending, most flexible, most sensitive to everyone's feelings. Single men are asked to drive the car, single women are asked to ride in the back so we have more room for everyone who needs to fit. We are asked to sleep on the couch, on the floor, or share a bed with our grandmother, aunt, cousin, or niece.

Please realize, I have absolutely NOTHING against my family. They are wonderful and supportive and amazing! However, after 35++ years of traveling to grandmother's house and sitting in the backseat all the way there (4+ hours) and then sleeping on the couch for 3 days, I finally had a grown-up Thanksgiving. I stayed home guiltless and peaceful without having to make any excuses save "We are staying home this year."

For whatever reason, as a single female, when it comes to holidays, family or the combination of the two, no one cares that you are a doctor, lawyer, teacher, published author, or cosmetologist. No one cares that you have done missionary work in the barrios of Central American countries or that you make decisions that move hundreds of thousands of dollars each day. Or that you can change a sparkplug, unclog a toilet, scuba-dive or fly a plane. All that is very nice and good and maybe perhaps even a little crazy. What they care about is this: "Have you met any nice boys lately, honey?", "Aren't there some nice boys in your church you could date?", or the all time doozie - "Why aren't you married yet?" (flashback to couples' dinner in Bridget Jones Diary). I know some singles who skip the holiday stuff all together because after a while it just gets old being the family bachelor or single female.

Have you ever considered why this is? Have you ever been as frustrated as I have been by it? I think now that I am married, I finally understand it. My grandmother cannot wrap her mind around the fact that I am an accomplished professional who has been self-sufficient for 35++ years. What she can wrap her mind around is the fact that I have found a loving, intelligent, compassionate, godly, funny, supportive man who accepts me just the way I am. Now she can be completely happy for me. Now she can relax. Now that she perceives me as a grown-up. Now I can see me as a grown-up. Funny thing about all that is that MY HUSBAND knew I was a grown-up the moment I met him. He didn't ask me why I wasn't married. He was just grateful that I was single and everything I had accomplished and what I had become only became more in his eyes. What I realized this Thanksgiving was that I had been a grown-up all along. It just took the right person to help me see that. MY HUSBAND couldn't give me credibility that I didn't already have. Instead, he recognized me for who I am and THAT was worth waiting for - even if it took 35++ years for me to realize my first Grown-Up Thanksgiving.

Literati Challenge

Star shine's Nov 16th post about the reading challenge which can be tracked back to this blog has appealed to both the bibliophile/avid reader and competitor in me. My nightstand currently is home to the following books (still unread in their entirety):


Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

This book was given to me as wedding present. It looks quite similar to For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. I haven't even cracked it open yet but it's on the nightstand so it's on the list. It focuses on the differences between how men and women interpret the language of love and affirmation. Based on the reviews of friends, I think it's pretty on point but I will let you know after I finish it.

Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl

One of my best friends/matrons of honor sent me this right after I got engaged (2 months before the wedding). I have found it to be the most helpful book on being married so far. I read four chapters before the wedding but then I was sidetracked by life stuff. After a perusal of the book, MY HUSBAND actually liked what it had to say. The writer has a very positive style of writing and presentation.

30 Days to a Simpler Life by Chris Evatt and Connie Cox

I started reading this years ago and didn't finish. Being newly married to a collector of stuff like myself, I thought it prudent to get some coaching on clearing out some of the stuff. Life just seems a bit too busy with busy-ness and not enough enjoyment. I read the first chapter again a few nights ago and it starts out with very helpful ideas. Sometimes it helps to think of items as simply passing through your life instead of residing there. Unless you empty your hands once in a while, you have no room to receive the new.

Faith of a Writer: Life, Craft, Art by Joyce Carol Oates

MY HUSBAND sent this to me in a care package a month after we starting dating along with a very nice fountain pen and various other gifts that only affirmed what a miracle finding this man has been for me. (oops, I'm waxing newlywed goo all over this blog.) Anyway, I started it on a plane but still need to finish it. Good writers are always good to read.

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

I almost hesitate to add this book because it is Book 1 of a series of six to date. Once you start, you know you have to keep going. She's been around a bit but I discovered her browsing at a used bookstore and couldn't resist. It's a time travel story/split world story - can't resist those either (see Ted Dekker's Black, Red, and White trilogy). Once I read this, I know it's going to be a long-term commitment. But hey, I just got married, a series of six books is a cake walk commitment-wise. *grin*

I challenge you readers to join in and tell me what you are willing to move from the "want to read" to "already read" stacks of your nightstands. Well read is well said - go ahead turn the page!

Momspeak

As my friends have entered the state of motherhood, I notice that they speak a different language than they did when they lived in the state of coupledom.

Coupledom includes phrases like:

"WE have plans that weekend but thanks for asking."
"I don't know what WE are going to do for Thanksgiving."
or
"MY HUSBAND is going to build me bookshelf."
"Oh, MY HUSBAND works in the area."

And I have to say, having recently entered the land of coupledom, I am really enjoying the new language I have learned. However, I do find the mother tongue of motherhood, known as "momspeak" to be quite amusing.

Here are some interesting aspects to it:
1. She speaks it only to her children but can do so while she is on the phone with you.
2. It is communicated at higher volumes so be prepared to pull the phone away from your ear at a moments notice.
3. Women who speak this language can do so without breaking their train of thought with you.
4. At some point, in a conversation with a momspeaker, you will hear her exclaim "NOOOOOOO!" and then she will turn her attention back to you or the "NOOOOOOO!" will be abruptly followed by a "I gotta go, I'll call you back!" and then she will hang up.

Let me give you some examples from my momspeak friends:

Friend No 1 - KJ

KJ and her daughter MS. MS (4 yrs old) is standing next to her mother chewing on a toy KJ while KJ is talking to me on the phone and this is what I hear:

KJ: MS, What is in your mouth?
MS: Nothing.
KJ: Is that food?
MS: No Mom.
KJ: Then take it out of your mouth.
MS: Yes Mom.

KJ talking to her 3-year old son, JC, who is chewing on the mouse-cord connected to the computer: "JC! Quit chewing on that, you are going to break it and you will never have a computer again for the rest of your life! "

Friend No 2 - KV talking to me last night on the phone while her 2 year old daughter M hovered near her plate, parentheses denote momspeak:

KV: So how are you and YOUR HUSBAND doing? (Hey get lost - that's my food)
Me: WE are fine, just getting adjusted to married life and looking forward to a mini-vacation this weekend with friends. Are you having a calmer week?
KV: Yes, much calmer than last week (no you cannot have dessert until you eat your meat and rice). I'm not as tired this week.

Somehow these conversations don't seem as foreign to me as they might seem. Back in the recesses of my memory, I recall hearing momspeak many moons ago. I used to think only my mom knew the language but it appears eventually, many of us learn to speak it well and with no training at all. Amazing, isn't it?

Meme-spiration

I am officially married, honeymooned, back from traveling from work and ready to start this blog in earnest. Today I am jump-starting by bouncing off of my friend Tracy's blog: http://starshinereport.blogspot.com and although she didn't tag me I'm answering anyway. I'm sure she won't mind, will you Tracy?

Her meme is my inspiration today: Know Thyself Meme

What is/are YOUR:

Easy how-to ways to beat a bad mood?
* Snuggling with my husband - speaking as a newlywed!
* Call one of my best friends and talk it out for commiseration and reality checks.
* Pray - should be number one shouldn't it? *sigh* one day....
* Go out for a good meal.
* Spend some downtown at Barnes & Noble book browsing

Never-fail lip color?
None, I go natural even though I carry about 3 lipsticks/glosses in my purse. I never manage to put them on. I am so NOT makeup conscious. My husband doesn't care if I wear it or not - Dear Heaven, I love this man!

Personality type (via myersbriggs)?
ESFJ - Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging (http://keirsey.com/personality/sjef.html)

Greatest strengths and weaknesses (like in a job interview)?
Strength and Weakness - Perfectionist - I thrive in the details of everything. I think coffee should be hot for guests and one should always strive to serve others. The details show you care. My focus on attention to detail makes me very impatient with others who do not observe details. I perceive this as laziness or lack of intelligence - which is not good. As with most strengths, that is the flipside weakness.
Other strengths: good listener, organized, good at research, thorough and persistent
Other weaknesses: tendency toward procrastination (getting better at not procrastinating), tends to focus on facts more than feelings sometimes, too high expectations of others.

Names of the trees in your yard?
Magnolia - beautiful leaves and smells so good! And other trees that look pretty but I don't have a clue what they are.

Mother-in-law'’s favorite flower?
Hmmm....I don't know -- guess I better put that on my list of things to know for future reference. Being a less than 2 months married newlywed, I think I still have time to find that out.

Thanks for the meme-spiration Tracy! I am tagging my friend Manda with this meme.