A Grown-Up Thanksgiving

For the first time in 35++ years, I had a grown-up Thanksgiving. MY HUSBAND and I stayed home and had a nice, quiet holiday all to ourselves, stepping out only momentarily with friends. It is amazing how much credibility one gains after getting married. All of sudden, it's okay to skip the big family Thanksgiving because now you have your own family. However, when you are single, skipping Thanksgiving with your family is akin to disowning your family. Strangely, it is the single people who are expected to be the most bending, most flexible, most sensitive to everyone's feelings. Single men are asked to drive the car, single women are asked to ride in the back so we have more room for everyone who needs to fit. We are asked to sleep on the couch, on the floor, or share a bed with our grandmother, aunt, cousin, or niece.

Please realize, I have absolutely NOTHING against my family. They are wonderful and supportive and amazing! However, after 35++ years of traveling to grandmother's house and sitting in the backseat all the way there (4+ hours) and then sleeping on the couch for 3 days, I finally had a grown-up Thanksgiving. I stayed home guiltless and peaceful without having to make any excuses save "We are staying home this year."

For whatever reason, as a single female, when it comes to holidays, family or the combination of the two, no one cares that you are a doctor, lawyer, teacher, published author, or cosmetologist. No one cares that you have done missionary work in the barrios of Central American countries or that you make decisions that move hundreds of thousands of dollars each day. Or that you can change a sparkplug, unclog a toilet, scuba-dive or fly a plane. All that is very nice and good and maybe perhaps even a little crazy. What they care about is this: "Have you met any nice boys lately, honey?", "Aren't there some nice boys in your church you could date?", or the all time doozie - "Why aren't you married yet?" (flashback to couples' dinner in Bridget Jones Diary). I know some singles who skip the holiday stuff all together because after a while it just gets old being the family bachelor or single female.

Have you ever considered why this is? Have you ever been as frustrated as I have been by it? I think now that I am married, I finally understand it. My grandmother cannot wrap her mind around the fact that I am an accomplished professional who has been self-sufficient for 35++ years. What she can wrap her mind around is the fact that I have found a loving, intelligent, compassionate, godly, funny, supportive man who accepts me just the way I am. Now she can be completely happy for me. Now she can relax. Now that she perceives me as a grown-up. Now I can see me as a grown-up. Funny thing about all that is that MY HUSBAND knew I was a grown-up the moment I met him. He didn't ask me why I wasn't married. He was just grateful that I was single and everything I had accomplished and what I had become only became more in his eyes. What I realized this Thanksgiving was that I had been a grown-up all along. It just took the right person to help me see that. MY HUSBAND couldn't give me credibility that I didn't already have. Instead, he recognized me for who I am and THAT was worth waiting for - even if it took 35++ years for me to realize my first Grown-Up Thanksgiving.